Honest To God ~ Day 82

As you can see, if you've followed this blog at all; I have failed. Miserably.

BUT God...

He is SO good.

As ashamed as I am to say it, I divorced my husband in 2006. I did so without consulting the only person I should have. God. Had I continued to grow in my relationship with Him, my life wouldn't be where it is, right now.

I was wrong to divorce my husband
I was wrong to make him my god
I was selfish. Selfish is unloving

How pathetic am I, to have been given MANY fair warnings by God...to include the reason behind this blog.

I am learning to speak life. Into everything. The liar has had too much time in my sandbox. It became his litter box, really. No more.

I love you, Charlie. You are the second best thing to happen to me in this life. The first is knowing God. Him, and then you. Then, our babies. After that, it's all just fluff.

I am aware, there are those who may be following this, who will roll their eyes. I understand. I have absolutely no credibility, given my choices over the last few years. I also don't care. I am accountable to no one. But God... He gave me a wonderful blessing in my husband. He has given me a wonderful blessing in my husband.

I'm not sure yet, where these words will go but, I hope it helps someone else.

If you never commit an other passage to your heart, commit 1 Corinthians 13:4-13. It will serve you well.

Day 4

                                                        image courtesy quotesvalley.com

THAT is the day it has been.

I am quickly seeing, this journey (for me) is going to be about digging deeper, and beyond any (of my) understanding. It is the more difficult thing to do, to "let it go" when I know the other person is incorrect. To...ZIPPIT... After all, it "may" be my responsibility/opportunity/inclination to teach that person, or it may not. Their learning may actually come from me ceding to patience and bowing away. Overzealous earnest know-it-all, I be.

                                                             image courtesy okyday.com

Day 3

                                                          image courtesy goneliftin.com

I might just achieve this. Today, I focused on patience. I mean that quite literally. After racing here to get a  post in before midnight last night, I went to bed, remembering how easy it was to remain patient when my kids were young. Odd, eh? It might seem, it should be more difficult, remembering that aspect of love with a tiny little super human who, never tires and is never out of questions. Not so, for me back then.

Every time I felt my frustration welling up, for all that is "a life with a house full of teens and interacting with their teen-minded daddy", I paused for a nano second and regrouped. It went VERY well, I must say.

I know too, to be more patient with myself. Why do we expect changes to be so easy?

Love IS patient. Love is BEING patient.

Day 1

                                                     image courtesy christian-jeweler.com

Today, I embark on what is probably the biggest effort I've ever made. I'm already messing up, too. That's ok. It happens. It will continue to happen. I'm human. I want to be a better human.

This effort stems from my awareness; change begins within me. This scripture has haunted me for too long now. Tells me I'm missing the mark, for all my words.

I'm not exactly sure just yet, how to approach this. How to lay out this blog. Or my thoughts for that matter.

I know that today was a day of too many tears. Mine. I am frustrated with the dynamic in my home. And, though my head knows what to do, my actions aren't matching up.

For every eye roll, and rude retort, I need to reach deeper. No matter what.

For every slight and disrespectful interaction, I need to reach deeper, and let my reactions match the words I know in this scripture.

I need, at some point, on some level, to let myself off the hook a bit, for not remembering, in the moment.

One day down. I have a freakin' long way to go...