Day 8

Mobile blogging again and I can't get the cursor to find the field to give a title to this post. I'll fix it in the am. Where yesterday was short and sweet, so to speak...an easy day; today was interesting. Curious. I had the opportunity to share a few experiences from my divorce, and my growth through them. As I shared with the person I was speaking with,I heard my words and knew they were in my heart. Real. It set the pace for the rest of my day. At every usually frustrating interaction with ongoing, long-standing struggles, I remained patient. "Love is patient..."

I'm on the first step and that's ok.

Day 2

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things

Thank goodness, I have 363 more days to get this. I've failed miserably. Again. I'm doing good, day is moving along, happy-happy joy-joy inside, and BAM. That one person comes along to just completely upend my day.

Sad truth is, that one person is really me. If I am to live "love is patient", I have to find a way to dig deeper and not allow my "self" to see the other person any way but, in love.

PATIENCE. Evidently, is not my virtue...

Day 1

                                                     image courtesy christian-jeweler.com

Today, I embark on what is probably the biggest effort I've ever made. I'm already messing up, too. That's ok. It happens. It will continue to happen. I'm human. I want to be a better human.

This effort stems from my awareness; change begins within me. This scripture has haunted me for too long now. Tells me I'm missing the mark, for all my words.

I'm not exactly sure just yet, how to approach this. How to lay out this blog. Or my thoughts for that matter.

I know that today was a day of too many tears. Mine. I am frustrated with the dynamic in my home. And, though my head knows what to do, my actions aren't matching up.

For every eye roll, and rude retort, I need to reach deeper. No matter what.

For every slight and disrespectful interaction, I need to reach deeper, and let my reactions match the words I know in this scripture.

I need, at some point, on some level, to let myself off the hook a bit, for not remembering, in the moment.

One day down. I have a freakin' long way to go...